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Nov. 15th, 2005 @ 06:06 pm but you have to love the rain.
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feeling:: spontanious
Current Music: natalie merchant
its like we all want sunny days with warm summer nights. but these shitty rainy days are like such a form of perfection sometimes.
im joining a soccer team, which is weird because i havent been a team player in anything since... well the last time i tried to play a sport. but what the hell. hobbies do our souls good. i also decided that in less then a year i will be studying abroad (sp?) and i cant wait. im going, all i have to do is make it final.. sign the sheets and peace out bitches. ahh what a fucking rush. sometimes its worth surprising yourself with things your not sure about just to feel so much better after you do it. I always want to leave, just like everyone else who just hasn't done it yet) ive wanted to move away since like 10th grade or some bulshit. and for some reason all the things i hate is exactly whats keeping me here. ha.. well im outta here. as soon as probation is completed to date.. june 9th. ill be leaving shortly after. or close to that time span.
havent been on the lj in awhile. and i still see those who come here an write.
im glad that some things dont change. everything would be a mess if nothing was for sure.
anyway. some things have been crazy lately... its not just my life right?
because for some reason i cant imagine my carelessness being the only thing that i have a problem with..were all fucked up alittle but right?
hmmm who knows.
but reguardless everything could so much worse.
wow what a fucked up night..?¿
ANDIKNOWWEVEALLHADTHOSE.
Sep. 24th, 2005 @ 01:09 am perfectly alined
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feeling:: correspond-intanious

LJ Interests results



  1. art:
    a personl opinion of the world.
  2. casadeis house:
    what i love on a good night.
  3. cheese:
    any kind.. almost.
  4. drinking:
    when i can and as much as i want to.
  5. getting high:
    should be number one.
    cant live without it, should live without it.
  6. happy endings:
    the only reason i live each day.
  7. laughing:
    what makes days worthwhile, in many unexpresible ways.
  8. music:
    keeps the world moving, its everything i love in differnt words from different people.
  9. painting my nails:
    its just gotta be done... nervous, happy, sad, or mad. i just do it and want nice hands.
  10. relaxing:
    what i work for. if i work harder relaxing will be much more sincere.


Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.



Aug. 28th, 2005 @ 10:56 am dont hang on
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feeling:: contemplative
Current Music: dust in the wind
the commercial with dust in the wind playing, has got to be stopped, everyday the last two weeks i have heard that song, and it has yet to leave my mind. only for a moment..
since this summer is almost over and nothing particular has changed
for better or worse. id like to say the summer just can be. i would however really appreciate totally skipping this upcoming winter months. i can't believe how fast time goes. how quickly everything just twists an turns.
i have come to realize also that alot of people i once cared a great deal for have somehow been forgotten about and i would like to never forget the people who made me care.
fuck it lets smoke a joint. something that this summer couldn't have been without.
i want to move to boston in the next year. and im serious, live a year with chelsea and attend the university of massachusates (sp) something new not just different.
everything seems to be monotone just constantly moving but not fluxuating.
livejournal is also aging. i can't believe how long ago it was that we all just heard about it and started posting like crazy, then everyone leaving it and now there are the regulars again.

hope everyones summer was what they wanted.
peaceout
Apr. 11th, 2005 @ 02:24 am how ironic everything can be
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its like everything happens for a reason, because when all the bad shit happens you figure something is about to come from it... well is the good stuff that happens that follows that what leads to more bad stuff?
cause if it does, i need to meet at the break point and chill there awhile.

i just think i need a few things answered for once, because apparently i dont know it all.
shit, this is news to me.

ahh.
Apr. 3rd, 2005 @ 11:33 am "everything so perfect.. from far away"
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feeling:: :)
Current Music: michael jackson- man in the mirror
but not today.. woo. everything is just perfect.
why?
because the god damn sun is shining, and that is all i really wanted. now just for the wind to stop and for sure we'll be ahead of the game.
no work.
no school.
no anything i dont like because i dont have to be around it.
and
i have an excuse, (well they should have the excuse, providing they want to spend time with me) but yea...to see all the beautiful people id like to more often, but don't until special occasions. ex. TODAY!!!
i swear i love my birthday, its that one day that everything is about you. ha go figure.
who doesnt enjoy that at least once a year.

even everything else isn't falling apart or anything ubsurd. besides school, nothing really seems to be a problem, and school isn't one im loosing sleep over.
why is it i just hate everything about school? altogether its lame.
psh.
i dont care because im not about to worry about it until at least tomorrow.

so if your bored today you should call me
because i wana hand out
Mar. 22nd, 2005 @ 01:06 am hair never falls in quite the same way
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feeling:: alittle bit of it alll..in one
Current Music: silence KILLLLLLLLLLS

i always find it just alittle bit strange when things happen as they do, just like everyone else i suppose. it is just those certain things that really throw you for a loop and its like you can't think. you can't move on. you can't even imagine something other than it is...was.
it seems as though all this chaos will eventually have its toll, a toll in the
positive aspect of corse. im just awaiting ever so patiencely for that toll to just strut its shit down my street right into me.

i just love the support you get from the people you know wont let you down.
"the ones you can live in a fucking box with a really, just live it up in that pimp box."
i just dont get things more so now than ever.
& happy birthday
baker.
bryan.
casadei.
the last days an tomorrow.

im actually excited when these birthday come up because the knowledge to me is that mine is that much closer... only a few days till my HUGE 19th birthday.. ha if only is brought something fucking spectacular.

see ya when the sun starts to shine
Feb. 12th, 2005 @ 10:04 pm those bad days of feeling shitty, couldn't top TODAY!
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feeling:: blank
what the ffuck have i seroiusly done?
i feeel like my entire world just got altered in a fucking way i dont want.know.
i wonder if i permanetly learned my lesson. yes.I say ill never do it again, wont. but i hope it turns out that because how bad i feel about it happening and me being resposible, true. that its because i learned my lesson, an am as smart as i know i am. also true.
and not just because it happened yesterday that im still all fucked up over iit.
yeah its not that, i feel like a blank state of lonliness, not like lonely and sad but like not right with everyone else, or in your mind. ex. i just can't get it out of my head. OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. god damnit its just such a "what if?"
maybe im most dissappointed because i know i kinda deserve it, not necessarily deserve something so horid in life but.. im not invincable and being an idiot repeatedly even not just driving bad karma or some shit .ARgh i just wonder about those people that always do it and do danger people that dont ever get caught?
someone enlighten me!
everytime i am supposed to do something and want to be there but know it may just be good to stick to that gut twist and JUST do what may not be the most fun but definatly most profitable. ppsh.
ppsh.
a good description of the lack of feelings other than disgust.

oh yeah well i just have to be doinng something and this is all my heads to think about. I hope everyone is enjoying there saturday nights, and DEFINATLY not drinking and driving... or speeding.
Feb. 9th, 2005 @ 02:03 am much love
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happy birthday dennis!
Feb. 9th, 2005 @ 01:25 am ill be damned if rain aint' pourin' down
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feeling:: indepth
Current Music: ataris. boys of summer
little did i know.

i always think about a lot of shit people could say ... even when i think they are really going to say it. but when they do. only those certain people can set you off. it wasn't even just dave tonight it was the thought up for grabs... would i have been as mad if someone else had said it? or would i just be pissed at anyone?
i guess i'll never know.

but i know im not even mad. its just those thoughts of maybe disappointment or disrespect that i feel come from the wrong people. the people who i can't even stand to say another word to. who make me feel like they did, and i don't feel i've really done that to too many people who i do respect and care to hurt. Not saying im not guilty of doing so but as far as im concerned its done at the right time and right manner.
Then other things happen.
ya know its like you have a bestfriend, but really its not even close.
i used to have those people that were irreplaceable. i would have done anything for those people even when i wouldn't have shown it. Those people who were all that close all the time to know THEY PUT IN THE TIME TO KNOWING YOU CARE ABOUT THEM IN A WAY YOU LITERALLY CAN'T DESCRIBE. i think they are becoming excinct. I wouldn't have thought differently about them if they were to have told me something i needed to hear, even if i didn't want to. you just know its to be said on your behalf. hurtful or not. then you meet people who wouldn't ever say something to you anyway,
but most importantly there are the people that say it when they SHOULDN'T.
I wonder if the people i think are close to me now at all feel the way i do. ya know? I really wonder if they could care less. Everyone that moves away and will still talk and "never forget eachother" maybe it will happen just like we didn't think?
I wish i had those people back in my life. all the ones that made every bit of hanging out and doing nothing worth all it was.
maybe its just me
maybe it really is just everyone else.
i dont know and no one else ovbviously does.

i don't know anymore. i guess its just what i really like, i like. i mean i dont like it now, so what i say i like must really be it.!
i just don't understand why i hold it against someone if i know im not mad i just hate them for what they said.
its almost like a personal account of everyone you know...
you dont get mad at them everytime they say something you hate or dislike you just place it into the account for them as a person in whole in your life. which i don't know is easier to just throw them away or wait until I see if im just going to not mind it when it goes through, or i just can't literally stand to be in a room with them a second longer.

whatever, this could all just be a bad dream.
maybe i'll wake up and find all of this to be a mess i made in my head
because thats what this all is isn't it?

anyway, i guess just seeing one or two or THREEEE people almost set you off, makes the whole night a mess. i dont think people realize what i take in off of them. Not that im right by any means, just that in my eyes i feel im the one with the stronger integrety.. or the one that freaks out on something no one else understands because its the snapping point. I used to believe that all the good things were carried by the good people you were wanting it to be handed to by. i guess im either fucking out of my mind, or that everyone that has so far crossed me in the last 2 years has like made me feel even more a mess.
who knows. in a week i'll probably feel different about everything...
i doubt it.
i just think i want all the fun things i used to have, when all i wanted to worry about were simple things. shit, what will i do when the real world sets in. i haven't even felt a sinch of it yet.
here i go.
i even wrote this for no reason. maybe ill bitch all the time, then if im just bitching and keep it long no one will even bother to read it anyway, its just unfortunate i can type a lot faster than i can write.
and
really im not even unhappy, thats what gets me. i am exetremly happy about everything im doing in my life right now. Considering everything im doing is technically my own doing. I know i woudln't have it with ouut the people in my life, but why can i be so unhappy with most of them???
Dec. 28th, 2004 @ 09:48 pm (no subject)
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( mother fucker check this shit out )
Nov. 8th, 2004 @ 12:02 am sssssssend in for rebate
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feeling:: procrastinative
Current Music: vertigo/ u2
they really have made it impossible for people to win anything off pop bottle tops. its ridiculous. you have to maybe get your number code then sign it onto a website that will then tell you if you have a piece that will help you win. its all a game.
to mentino games, another very odd game i played today was called kim casadeis(syak) get a shovel and balls (bulbs) then we all go outside and plant them in the frozen ground in blistering winds to plant the balls (bulbs) ill say we dont know who won the fun there...
my throat is good and my sinus's are going to be fixed permanetly. i think surgery is very fucked up. like literally you are awake then you wake up again and its like nothing ever went on. something about that just doesnt sit well. eh. fucking creepy. but all went well and its over point blank. got another job today im excited about it.
good thing i wasted my time talking about being happy about what i thought i was happy about. phew, i think its just natural, i feel smart again.. watch out. yeah i decided i want to go on the real world/ road rules challenge, and kick those crazy girls asses an win alot of money and cool gadgets i dont have any use for. tomorrow is my day of the week i work in sschool, a week of classes accomplished tomorrow. bring it on mmonday. hope something good happened to someone this weekend!
-2
Nov. 3rd, 2004 @ 12:13 am why are these days the same
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feeling:: calm
Current Music: highway to hell/ ACDC
i haven't been back to this thing in quite some time, its kinda weird.
but what the hell. all i hear is my dogs eating the goddamn kibbles, its ringing in my brain, rather frustrating. i bowled a wopping 107 at best this evening. i feel like setting everything in a mold once i get it all where i want it, my life that is. im particularly satisfied how things can potentionally be going, i dont want to jump ahead of myself if they all just fall apart, but thus far (notetoself; ididlearnshitinhighschool)
im getting shit together and it kinda feels right. The only part of me that feels sloppy is physically. Im not at alll okay with my overal presentation, i shouldn't complain but if you didn't know already, its what i do well.. i just need to make myself understand that that would onlt make me more fulfilled as to getting my mold set. i would like to start not using the word "like" so much. i dont realize how informal it makes things sound, very UNsincere. i want to grow up some, be my own me as much as i can be.
i carved a pumpkin, I reunited what never was really lost, i worked, i learned, ive been bummed, i played with my rabbit and took my ferret for a walk, i played tug of war, i drank coffee randomly, i have been entirley sober besides my random fix of caffine, i drove my beautiful car, i like diet coke with lime starting today, i bowled 107, i did laundry, i used whitestrips, i showered, i voted, im online, i am writing in this. All today. i feel accomplished and thats stuff i didnt realise i really did much of.
icantbelieveiclosedmyeyesopenedthemtofindnothingmoreorlessfromifirstbegan,
ifnothingibelievedcouldstaythesamehowcomethingscouldgetbetterwhentheresnothingmoretosay.
when your clothes never wear as well the next day and your hair never falls in quite the same way. i like how that makes me feel. i didnt realise the ring of familiarity until today at work hearing that. im looking forward to friday im pretyy sure, although im sure nothings really changed, i guess i can't be too sure.
i like talking to people who make me smile, and i dont talk to them much but i noticed while being happy about talking to them its forgoten that we dont talk much.
what a funny little cracked up world we live in.
and
we dont even know how weird things can be.
Feb. 10th, 2004 @ 07:28 pm same shit
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Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:Dreamer
Your Favorite Band/SongGarth Brooks - Thunder Rolls
You Like To Read:Biographies/Autobiographies
You Firmly Believe In:Love at first sight
Everyone Thinks You Are:A cheap bastard
You Were Conceived:Next to a fireplace
You Will Marry:A porn star
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!




yo yo!
Aug. 26th, 2003 @ 12:37 pm this goes out to all of you who are sick...as hell.ahhhhh
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oh yeah katie got a tray, an tray al right. she also got a trunk.
oh oh oh, and some paper.
did i tell you i know exactly what your saying.

pssh, today was fun. interesting, no school, bad habit. but fun days. went house looking. im watching lord of the rings2 today im pretty excited about that. schools kinda boring, and its always really hot. i dont like that. but i like being a senior. its fun.
i feel like you talk to everyone in your own grade alot more, and it seems like when you just stay in one area you are less prone to fighting as much. maybe its just early in the year but everything seems to be running smoothly, or less chaotic anyway.
Jul. 24th, 2003 @ 11:54 pm yea, i said things arent always gona be the same, no matter what.
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feeling:: on edge
Current Music: tuesdays gone
too much good affected by too little care in return. i really thought things were going to be way, way different. im glad i saw everyone i did tonight, people are fucking phenominal sometimes. I do think this is real because ive never been hurt from this. im happy!!! livejournal continues to be pathetic. as well as me for writing in it. oh well i need you, bye jones. im babysitting tomorrow.

i can not believe this. ah. im upset and dont know what to do now.
ggggragh
Jul. 16th, 2003 @ 12:18 am livejournal is pathetic
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feeling:: high
Current Music: simple man
in the heat of the night we are havin' an fieee-sta we are dancing in the waves till the sun comes around. oh oh.
today was fun
yesterday was fucking phenominal.
tomorrow gonas be just as sweet.
i can't believe things sometimes.
so im kinda waiting for this call. its kinda pathetic along with my logic into it, but i would really love it if you would just call back real quick. thank you

im hanging out with sam tomorrow maybe i think. and today i had a funny as memory lane about the group formally known as trio and we were all at bakers and then she came running past us with a slight gimp and then bitching about how angry she is, maybe mother or AANNI. I remembered it an i was fucking laughing so damn hard, and i also remember when i thought finious was going to eat me alive one fine morning at sams house. an was trying to talk to lauren. hah. oh my god. Then sam when she would manage to fall down flights of stairs or bitch fight with us. haha. alright i wanted to talk about that sorry. ((sam you know your laughing))

summers pretty good, only a few things have gone wrong. So many good fucking times.
Jul. 6th, 2003 @ 06:15 pm thats just not me
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im so happy. but i think i realise no matter what i say with this idea in the back of my head, i really dont fucking care, i love summer.. this summer inparticular. i feel like there are some people who are so nice and caring that i forget about, people who i didnt think really knew me enough anymore to care. thank you adam.
david micheal... you still owe me a talk.
or two.
i want to talk to nick still also about this life alterning everything.
i just seem to feel like im thinking all the right things and going the perfect way latly. Those times you contemplate doing something.. i know immediatly now, i feel like im sensing the good or the bad just how good an bad are.
im mad i fucked up my summer on my own, but im glad after i did that everythings the way it is now. i dont think it could get that much better.
Jun. 25th, 2003 @ 12:17 am its kinda like when you drop your head when you realise ur faling asleep in the middle of something
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theres always particular things that fucking make me insane. your one of them & then some in a way i dont know how to express. i wish youd understand. and fucking this summer, ive been having such a good time even under house restraints. All i ask is just someone to be around at ten. so come ten o'clock someone best be just knowing to come over and watch a movie, because that would seriously be really cool. just suprise me. be there and ready to have fun! i want constant
"living it up" motto thing going. just like do it all or nothing... hm. i think things are going to go on up from this. well from my perspective it is.

I just want acknowledged that when you really can't get someone out of your head its like insanity, i really feel like it drives you mad. and im glad im alive.
in all honesty its a fucking unreal experience each day. Something new or old and i think im taking in all the right emotion from each experience, tomorrow should start something entierly fasinating. Im excited for it, maybe im just excited for no reason. not that i mind. i think thats the best way to be excited.
over nothing at all.



hi brent. im glad i saw you today.. and john
Jun. 18th, 2003 @ 12:38 am "you" are the center of attention.
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hi. again. im back to this fucking journal. ah. eh. so displeasing to know this is what i turn to. im in my house feeling bad for myself, woopie. im glad i talked to sam and dan i think that the two conversations that arised from them today brought more insite to my life. Im really hyped up for somethings to just happen. im done worrying about this shit for now. like i dont wana even talk about it, unless i really care about you for you to know how i felt.
hm. attention anyone whose willing to spend some time watching movies and swimming with me tomorrow at my location under house arrest it'd be really cool. nick b i want you to come over anyway so im not asking you anymore, just be here for.. just for it.
Jun. 16th, 2003 @ 12:53 pm so i made it.
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 hm. i dont think anyone really knows how to write something like this, but its an unexpressible amount of appretiation to anyone who cared for me and helped me. I didn't think everything was "that good" till on the way home from beaumount i realized this is all ive got. an i almost lost it all, just to get fucked up. I watched every tree go by and i sat there thinking my lives going on as fast as these fucking trees are passing me in the car. Let me be the one to tell you, seeing those fucking trees fly by is something you want to get in a car and love just to be able to see it. I know people tell you i know so and so who got hurt from this or that. but the last two nights have been the worst two nights in my entire life and i would give anything for someone to not go through what i did. I never really knew so many people cared, or would wait around. but thank you with every single inch of me for everything if you were there. or if you had in some way contributed in making my life till now worth while. because ya know its just not enough yet. im just not ready for anything to end, not like this.
thank you
<3
Apr. 9th, 2003 @ 09:49 pm what the fuck.
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today was outstanding. i cant believe i had such goodtimes today. and im happy i have power. and im happy about having no generator in my head an dreams all night. and happy about not going to fifth hour today just because i didnt feel like it. and im happy i have fucking hilarious people in my life to make me enjoy days like today. jones, casadi, and matt, katie and fucking steffes. an denny too. what the hell im just so pumped again right now i definatly am out to conquer the fucking world.
today i experienced something so
unreal i dont know if
its in human posibility to explain and
have someone understand so well they fucking feel it almost. i feel like i was overal in a good state of mind fifth hour on till i came home. and im gona sleep.
Apr. 2nd, 2003 @ 10:27 pm (no subject)
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now that were together were stronger then ever were happy and blue. for some reason that is the only thought that has been passing in an out of my mind. who knows.

then i scroll fown down then i can feel fucked up like im just staring an my heads spinnig. right now i feel like im very capable of containg great knowledge about life and what not like im so inteligent at this moment id be a fucking genius.
that conquering feeling. kates asleep and i should be to, because tomorrow
is a fucking fabulous fucking day and i can not wait for it to arrive.
im going to a field. if i like you alot please want to come it will be fun.


side not;thanks duoo
Mar. 31st, 2003 @ 03:00 pm Katie is God
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well today i was walking down the hall looking at the long face, with the hope of seeing only one person, then she came up to me and gave be a hug, i thought id melt, right there into the floor, i mean i had butterflies, She is it all i need for life, my one true love.KATIE ELAINE POE its her she is so beautiful...denny feels the same way, its the look in her eyes...WOW, this is love, i feel it!
Mar. 29th, 2003 @ 11:16 am today today today today. tomorrow ..... yesterday!
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so yeah. todays the day. WOOOOOO. whose up for the best day of their fucking lives? well one of them anyway.
4 days.
Mar. 23rd, 2003 @ 10:47 pm the one katie elaine
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"i dont need to hear my voice to know my thoughts"

conveyed from pervious conversation.
Mar. 23rd, 2003 @ 03:50 am denny. i thought this would fit.
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four o'clock in the fucking morning.

i never in all my life have experienced a day as long as today. i dont feel my body can handle anymore. im going to sleep till next week.
Mar. 20th, 2003 @ 11:18 pm welcome to the world she said to me.
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hm hi. yeah, this is me hating you more than its understandable.
FUCK you.

this week is like old times of shitty days.
Mar. 18th, 2003 @ 08:39 am photo
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Spell your first name back wards]: nrik adnama
[The story behind your LJ user name]: better then butterfly.
[Are you a lesbian?]: not too much.
[Where do you live?]: commerce twp.
[4 words that sum you up]: cool, sensitive and caring. and loving.

DESCRIBE YOUR
[Hairbrush]:its round
[Jewelry worn daily]: leather necklace. rings japenese braclet.
[Pillow cover]: tye dy
[Coffee cup]: nothanks
[Underwear]: victoria secrets
[Shoes]: roxy, new balance
[Favorite shirt]: amanda cedar point shirt.
[Favorite pants]: whatever the weeks pants are.
[Cologne/Perfume]: ralph lauren
[CD in stereo right now]: mix shit
[Piercings]: 5
[What you are wearing now]: jeans, pink shirt and shoes
[Hair]: disgusting
[Makeup]: maskcara, lip gloss
[In my mouth]: orange pop
[In my head]: i haveto pee
[Wishing]: today was ove so i can go home
[After this]: home.
[Talking to]: katie an tim
[Eating]: animal crackers
ur favorite movies]: american beauty, dazed an confused, when the sky starts to fall.
[Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]: summer
[The last thing you ate?]: animal crackers
[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: hm
[Do you like candles]: yes
[Do you like incense]: nope
[Do you like the taste of blood]: not particularly.
[Do you believe in love]: yes.
[Do you believe in soul mates]: same as love.
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: maybe
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: a hippo, or a piggy
[What are 3 states you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: cali, asdkjashdi;h
[What's something/one you wish you could understand better?]: nothing
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: no
[What do you want to be when you grow up?]: whatever i wana be designer/
Mar. 5th, 2003 @ 07:04 pm GO FOR ITTTTTT.
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1.When did we meet?
2. How did we meet?
3. Have we ever met in person?
4. have we ever talked on thee phone?
5. Have you ever seen me cry?
6. Have you ever seen me dance?
7. Describe me using three or less words.
8. If you could spend a day with me, what would we do?
9. Have we ever gotten in a fight?
10. Have you ever dreamt of me? If so, tell me about it.
11. If you could give me a present, what would it be?
12. Would you hug me?
13. What do you REALLY think of me?
14. Do you know something about me that no one else knows?
15. Do you even know how old I am?
16. Anything you wanted to tell me but never got a chance to?
17. Wanna makeout?
18. Who should i go on dates with?
19. Name one thing you don't like about me.
20. FREESPACE..WOOOOO: